The following is just some reflections on my life looking back at 2009. It is not meant to be a "woe is me" story or a call for charity. It is simply what I have been reflecting on today as I see myself as a rich poor man.
A Poor Man
There are several things that have happened over the past year that have made me realize that I am a poor man in many areas of my life. My intentions were not to be in this place but now that I have found myself there, I have to reflect on what I am learning from this experience.
Financially, I am a poor man. This past year was one the worst years financially for me since college. I don't think I made enough this year to even cover my mortgage payments let alone, food, gas, electricity, phone, Internet, or propane from my income. I wasn't able to visit the optometrist, take the dogs to the vet, afford any new clothes, buy my wife anything for her birthday or Christmas, pay for any health insurance, put money into retirement or savings. I have had to take on a $9 an hour part-time job during the weekends to supplement some income while trying to get about 3 other jobs to produce income during the week. I took on debt again after having been out of it. I have no financial cushion or emergency fund to catch my fall.
Physically, I am a poor man. I have long since stopped any regular fitness routine. The past three months have had me pushing the limits of my mind and body working 7 days a week trying to produce some form of income. We have been living on a limited food budget so anything resembling fresh fruits and vegetables has been out. We have been buying the cheapest of foods not necessarily the best of nutritional value (the good foods for your body cost more).
Spiritually, I am a poor man. It seems that I my connection with God has been less than desirable. I have been struggling to maintain the relationship with God that He so desires to have with me. I gave my life to serve His Kingdom 21 years ago, and I have lost focus of that calling. My prayer life has been nearly non-existent. Discipleship with a few has been missing. Staying active with members of my spiritual tribe has been a struggle to maintain.
Personally, I am a poor man. I have struggled with my own purpose in life. I have been through the gamut of emotions from being excited about an opportunity to being absolutely discouraged because it isn’t working out. I have dealt with some depression. I have been stressed to the point of mental shutdown. Quality time with friends has gone by the wayside.
Despite my view of my own poverty, I am still a rich man.
A Rich Man
Financially, I am a rich man. No, I am not living off of savings or a trust fund. Yes, my wife has had a much higher producing income this year, but she is diligent about budgeting her business expenses and professional training. So she has carried SOME of the load. I still have a house with electricity, plumbing, and heat. I have a job and I have opportunities to make money. I have a mindset that will not let me stay in a level of poverty. I have learned to make due with the little that I have and make that stretch even further.
Physically, I am a rich man. I have been blessed to this point in my life with a healthy body. I am in relative good shape despite not exercising regularly. I know my body’s limits and when to push forward and when to pull back. I practice moderation in all things to keep my body healthy.
Spiritually, I am a rich man. The grace of God is priceless. His love is unending. His mercy is bountiful. He has made the way for me to have a relationship with Him. No matter what I need in life, He is the Provider. Even if I am quiet, He still speaks to me. Even if I have not pursued Him to the level I need to be, He is there.
Personally, I am a rich man. Through everything, I have been made stronger. My marriage has been made stronger through the struggle. I have been encouraged to walk the path I have been destined for. I have friends who care about me. I continue to make new relationships. I have not and will not give up!
The conclusion of the Matter:
I am a rich poor man.